i’m only chipping, he said

never thinkin’ that i’d get strung out or sick

a little nibble here and there

just to get by and keep the knees from aching

to keep the legs

from feelin’ heavy like redwood trunks sometimes

just to pick up my spirit a bit

just to keep me out of the

unbearable darkness that sneaks in

snarling

that always surprises..

but oh, the sick

the sick came down on him from the

chipping, and when the little blue pills ran out

the room spun, the belly cramped like

tangled cables on the floor behind his

old-school low- definition apartment television

then the ants came            oh the devil ants

showing up in formation to march up his spine,  crawlin’ and climbin’ up

the backs of his legs, up torso through neck and shoulders

bells went off    buzzin’ and     ringin’ and tolling in his ears like sunday church mornings

sweat poured down like rain in between the untenable moments of icy-cold

hot   cold   hot    cold   like a ticking clock or time bomb

heart racing, room spinning

the unbearable heatwave  of  a relentless  summer, 24/7

and suddenly he thought

ah, this is what the junkies fear

this is what keeps them downtown

siphoning off the bank account, or on

the boardwalk scraping off the rent money

meeting up between old, abandoned buildings off speedway

to score away the bill money

or on bruised knees in back alleyways

losing the cash needed for baby’s formula …

this is what it means when nothing

else matters except keeping this

sick from happening…

chipping …

no needles pricked into  arms in darkened doorways

no filthy sheets and dark smoky caves to nod in, beachside

just you, dancing and do-see-doe-ing with the devil,

tempting fate and the gods each day by just a little here and there  nibbling

thinkin’ you’re too smart to get strung out

like some common addict abuser…

chipping, he said…i was just chipping then

i woke up sick and realized that

its another day in paradise, in the life

and nothing else has really changed