scripting jokes, scripting real-life

a man walks into a restaurant where he sees someone he fired five months ago….someone he had a working relationship with since september of 2003..someone who used to defend his awkward social proclivities to all who claimed what an “odd duck” they thought he was, when he would walk by volunteers who had worked there for years with nary a hello or eye contact…someone who ïs currently touted as his “enemy”, his “critic” and the person whose name dropped off  his lips in an alleged “heartfelt speech”,  at his volunteer picnic, less than 72 hours before this fateful day, when he chose rosa’s for lunch…ah, and the same one he threw under the bus, the one he carefully planned to get rid of as a gift to his dear friend;  the one whose  sins he embellished upon to each captive audience—figuring a strong argument and advocacy for a deep-pocket ‘payoff’ would alleviate his guilt and temper his lies– his greatest feat of lies…god, he says to himself..i should have known this was coming someday and should have forgone lunch locally, especially since g already told me this morning he had a sighting of her in town.

so.  man walks into a restaurant, sees someone who is the last person on the planet he wants to run into…the one he has changed his route to and from work over…the one he has avoided sebastopol town over, certain restaurants over and, most importantly, the one who caused that familiar little voice to ring in his head–the one that crops up when he finds he cannot communicate what he really feels….the one weakness that is the most glaring in his inability and struggle to be a great leader.  the voice that tells his brain : “i can’t stand looking at her another minute”… the same voice he followed/used on the ones he dismissed before her……

so, in the scene, the man finds that he has some choices here:  swallow his pride and turn around and walk out.   make a note-to-self to put his vanity aside after all and start wearing his damn glasses so he can SEE the world and what he’s walking into.  make eye contact and nod a hello.  bravely walk up to the table, acknowledge his long-time volunteer and saying hello to his former employee..

better yet!  what a perfect opportunity for the man to do the right thing and perhaps lay all of the drama and discourse to rest!  walk up to the woman, turn to the volunteer and say, hello, how are you, will you excuse us for a minute, and take the PERFECT opportunity to fulfill his once-standing order to APOLOGIZE for his [ illegal, unethical ] public indiscretions and professional assassination of this very employee regarding a very private labor-related matter. …the same order the man lied to his superiors over, by telling them: ” the call has been made” , insinuating that he had, indeed done the right thing and had “taken care of business”.  as ordered.  the thing he lied about…oh yeah.  that. oh dear, but that’s too, too difficult, the man decides….especially after i already told her in a message that that was not the reason i was calling!  what if……dot dot dot

so instead–and here’s the joke!— our man chooses to pretend he’s invisible!  puts on his Will Robinson Cloak of Invisibility and just goes ahead like he can’t be seen, waltzing on up in there, ordering his burrito-no-sour-cream, pulling up a chair and pretending like he is the only person in the restaurant….forcing, choking down that lead-laced burrito into his stressed out belly in record time, walking again, past his nemesis for the third time and marching out the door, sight unseen!  unscathed!  unharmed!
unforgiven…..

again, his reel snaps….

nah….this short would be a flop.  no one would believe it.  the punchline wouldn’t be funny.  it might be too sloppy, sappy and emotional.  too HUMAN….the alternative scene, unbelievable….the joke, sad.  without a laugh, no giggles, no smiles.

{last scene, lines deleted}

why bother, right old pal?  what on earth were YOU thinking?

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About lindalou5150

as exercise or exorcism, i write...for the eyes of others, for my eyes and heart only, for the love and the rage, i write...to release the gamut of emotion...to tell the truth and say what's often thought but not written...
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One Response to scripting jokes, scripting real-life

  1. MandT says:

    The man couldn’t see, because he had his head too far up his ass. That would make for a completely realistic ending.

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