into the rabbit hole

it has been surreal

these weeks of tip-toeing

around the edges of the rabbit hole

oh its pull has been mighty…

in the harsh ring

boxing gloves have been laced up

to conquer all engaged

in the dance around this battlefield

 where loud public postings and criticisms

sit in my daily mailbox

lined up like soldiers next

to cards and flowers

lined on an old oak table

and containing such

love…

all, awaiting thanks and approval

from this self that can no longer distinguish

the methods for crawling from the wreckage

one minute

and graciously

receiving all manners of support

 the next..

 so, dreamlike, the dorothy farmhouse

spins in these winds

while evil rides its broom

outside this west-facing window

while captors, not satisfied in shredding

the heart of me

now further cast blame and responsibility

on these already-caved in shoulders

for the anger of others

 those whose anger is now

framed in rage

elements of truth

conjecture and speculation

and the mighty strength

of words..

i thank you, love you all

am humbled by you

but today, these words, all words

words i have written, words once appreciated

words from places of love and concern

all words that once loved and sustained me

now sicken me to the core

as they, too, smile in wordy betrayal

spinning, spinning me further

top-like, into this downward spiral

 know me

know and remember who

i have been

i cannot love one minute, then

join you all in completely dismantling

with displaced destruction

what i still hold in

this  heart, begging for mending..

the wise crone in the corner screams

“self care is the answer”!

hurls me toward the ring’s

ropes and manuals

for healing and transitions

while accupuncture and massage

draw me in to keep the physical

from caving and folding in on itself..

open, breathe

open again

heal me

i beg you

heal…me

then out of the hole, come the rabbits

with gentle offerings of silence and calm

come closer, we will wrap you

in silk and warm cottons

its quieter down here

your screams

and theirs echoing in ear

will eventually

stop

our fur will wrap you in warmth

and rest

or sweet oblivion

and what will come

is a final peace

rest

hush now…

come, they whisper

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About lindalou5150

as exercise or exorcism, i write...for the eyes of others, for my eyes and heart only, for the love and the rage, i write...to release the gamut of emotion...to tell the truth and say what's often thought but not written...
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