a wasted life

across the state              to the atlantic side              your family needed a reason

someone or something to             blame                    for the loss of you….

they breathed a sigh of relief              when you presented

your unfounded tale              accepted   your absolution and confession

allowed them to hold you         still       in their  twisted, shrunken arms of  co-dependence  

rejoicing that you weren’t to blame       they rested, comforted  in your pity       and breathing a

sigh of relief          they now could           blame another       instead of you for        your fall

for this believed tale of betrayal         absolved your weakness      allowed them to

continue to love you         compelled them to understand your sorrow

and their righteous family values     brought them perfect reasons   to        give cause     for your

search for relief         from such an exquisite pain…such relief!       finally!  a reason to believe

as they mapped the terrain of your ultimate fall..

truth is you fell in love         with the opiate queen      who ruled you       with iron fist

you fell hard into her         stardust dreams       ran your bloody hands through         her dark

mane     and danced away  with her      through fields of red poppies    turning over your

soul      you covered your being    with the scent of her     your hands, thick with her sweet juices

held on to her scabbed and track -marked        arms         as you curled into her    softness   she gave you ease and sixteen perfect reasons   to retreat     from        your life..       

and oh how you listened when        she commanded you      accepted as she handed you           her list of all you must choose between         in order to stay           numbed and nodding

trapped within her grasp          you chose       and stayed    lost in her sick comfort…

thirteen years later         in florida     your daughter comes       to say farewell 

to make her peace    with abandonment       hoping on the eve of her twenty-fourth year  

to find      in your unsteady, bloodshot eyes         the father       who left her behind…

instead, she found    you          an unrecognizable shell      and your family     who  had latched

on      suckling  your twisted    reasoning    which sat, festering     deep and certain  into their

skulls      a sharpened blade          to to savor for later    as a perfect

birthday gift        to surprise your daughter   with              when she only came to say goodbye…

they’ve  suffered enough, these daughters       they  tried to love you     they have  lived  with

the loss of you        and now        they have drunk in            the      true and ultimate    betrayal       

of your sickness..

on hands and knees    you, now withered and useless   are trapped       at such a bitter

end           damaged beyond logic       lifelessly awaiting your next dose

from your sick nurse’s hand            you weep      helpless…       perhaps a glimmer of you

wishes for the chance         to do it all over…….perhaps your only true   wish     is for death…

the  opiate queen    of your dreams    left you years ago     taking with her   the jewels of what

she came for         you are useless to her          now      but her gift remains  

wrapped up in bright paper      tied with bits of bone and brain

she has finally led you         quite alone           to  death’s door …

your children will not mourn you    now     for your life of lies

they have buried you already     in a plain pine box         filled with a child’s favorite toys

and broken memories           a final loss       unable to remember    the feel of a daddy’s protective arms…       

 you cannot hurt them anymore             

not any      more

 than you           and they         already have         

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About lindalou5150

as exercise or exorcism, i write...for the eyes of others, for my eyes and heart only, for the love and the rage, i write...to release the gamut of emotion...to tell the truth and say what's often thought but not written...
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