with thirty-two places set at a beautiful table      two   maybe four     sat ignoring tender emotions  for the sake of history and tradition        they  circled   the offender and the offended          pretending for the sake of the day    that intense distrust and dislike  wasn’t hovering in anyone’s holiday air…    and for the sake of their hostess     they saved the words nearly choking them        for later   yelled into    the outside air    finding respite in a walk  on a foggy  san francisco night….. 

but oh!  how the true feelings      sat silent on  bleeding  tongues          oh!  how the words burned with  a simple  desire to tell the offender  of her unnecessary self-indulgence         to hold her accountable   for three years      of runaway  bossy-ness…….  instead  breath was    saved   for the sake of  the generosity of  the host and hostess’s night        words held back from lashing out were swallowed      bitter pills laced with rage  were swallowed        a tongue heavy with recourse    sat used instead for  licking  the flames of the opened and now reopened wounds    of   deep gashes stung and burning       still      while the other’s    strong, gritty salts of bad behaviors   were left      ignored     poured on again        with   relish and entitlement    by one used to running many shows    and once emptied,  she wielded  her culinary knowledge    like a sword cutting any and all in her wake…

the hope never was to  pierce the transparencies     of  the sense of  tradition      but after three years running    the end has come    i long for a mission district flat    where, drowning in tequila     our laughter rang true          where a smaller circle       of  1970’s  friends  manuevered with respect and humor      around kitchen and stovetop  with ease and grace       where we shared with each other   a deeper love and respect      much more than the plan and detail  of perfection    in a crowded kitchen…but when tradition translates into      the painful  and the intolerable     one understands and ceases       finally recognizing  the multitude of reasons      to discontinue the tradition of forced      endurance    of salt to wound