re-engineering

in shared life      its easy to take  unconscious    advantage   its easy to want/wish to selfishly squirrel away  spare moments   as we  grab  onto them for dear life..     in those seconds when we untangle  from rent generating portions on this  plane     we separate and compartmentalize  slivers of time …    we fall into precious isolating       create a new necessary       time       from the essential survival  requirements   that are the trappings      of money-making  day-to-day journeys…  some are lucky enough to    have been born with it     by having their security tucked away to fall back on     a tidy little trust from momma & poppa    a handy  little inheritance borne from the family  name  a right-place-at the right time  a silicone valley score of millions  bringing the luck of retirement in your twenties     a winning lotto ticket        or anything  else      that makes working for a living  a simple sport you take on  to pass the time, instead of the grind you endure     to keep the roof …   the rest of us   squeeze and drain     the life out of everyday   often wondering how sleep  in-between became the greatest     of all time-wasters    the one commodity   we don’t have          enough         time for

in shared life    after years   and years    sensations on the tongue fade     smell and taste fall short   we thin out and separate  strands of us          meld together    become a shared name spewed out of the mouths   of those who know us     we  watch, as our separate identities    fade…      we too       get    lost in relationship        squeeze us in between the hour of this and that         fall into routine of hours:   work/ get home/ make food/ watch tv/read /sleep            repeat       we fold in film and dvr    tape what we cannot watch    fill weekends with dinners and movie houses      socialize with friends     and attend events         so we feel like we’re actually cramming in a little living   between the hours of dying       we  save too much to cram in   for later    then repeat   saving sparks and once-bright moments      for later         then watch them  die and burn out    later      as we  try to save each other     for later too

don’t set a clock by me     i cannot be the timepiece  attached to routine’s arm      rigidity and order  as comfort or steadiness    takes away my breath       rolls me away   down hills     once packed  rock-solid     that mode  of orderly time         loosens  my hinges    brings on dreams of faraway places     taken solo and  sweetened with drops of  isolation …  it robs me of my ability to converse     but happily entrenches me further into   this art  that matters       often  more than the art and beauty   balance/ damage           and beauty       of us …     

with  communication  staunched    schedules and boarding passes    easily print out on dizzying storyboards    while dreams of one- way tickets on the shut-down express     come closer  to true ..       

relationship with another human requires      maintenance      re-engineering    constant re-engineering          go it alone        or do the work        re-design         re-engineer           rekindle            determine  its worth     aviod the ease of laziness and re-engineer the years/the work/  the spark/the heat   that got you    and got you         there           in the first place

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About lindalou5150

as exercise or exorcism, i write...for the eyes of others, for my eyes and heart only, for the love and the rage, i write...to release the gamut of emotion...to tell the truth and say what's often thought but not written...
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One Response to re-engineering

  1. I vote for Lindalou for Poet Laureate of the US. Really. She speaks for all of us who struggle with just staying alive, just being loved and loving, just doing our best on our way to the end. But she also gives us a way out. Except we must do the work, not wait for someone to do it for us.

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