had it lasted
today would
have been year
29 in
a horribly wrong
marriage…
one year, near the end
i made romantic plans
at a B&B on mendocino’s coast
to celebrate this day…
he cancelled us
at the last minute
saying work had ‘come up’
and they needed him there…
i drove up the coast alone
went to my favorite, the zen room
lit a fire in the corner fireplace
and crawled
alone
into all
that beautiful cozy down
to cry myself to sleep
my only comfort
was the lullabye
of a crashing sea
beneath the deck
of the tiny room…
turns out there was
no work emergency…
by then he was
already
secretly
strung out
enough
on heroin..
the only ’emergency”
was that a romantic
mendocino anniversary getaway
would have left him
too far away from his
methadone clinic
for his a.m. doses
and he feared “sick” more
than he ever cared
about
much else..
happy anniversary
dickhead
its october 4th again