had it lasted

today would

have been year

29 in

a horribly wrong


one year, near the end

i made romantic plans

at a B&B on mendocino’s coast

to celebrate this day…

he cancelled us

at the last minute

saying work had ‘come up’

and they needed him there…

i drove up the coast alone

went to my favorite, the zen room

lit a fire in the corner fireplace

and crawled


into all

that beautiful cozy down

to cry myself to sleep

my only comfort

was the  lullabye

of a crashing sea

beneath the deck

of the tiny room…

turns out there was

no work emergency…

by then he was



strung out


on heroin..

the only ’emergency”

was that a romantic

mendocino anniversary getaway

would have left him

too far away from his

methadone clinic

for his a.m. doses

and he feared “sick” more

than he ever cared


much else..

happy anniversary


its october 4th again

About lindalou5150

as exercise or exorcism, i write...for the eyes of others, for my eyes and heart only, for the love and the rage, i release the gamut of tell the truth and say what's often thought but not written...
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