when the “gay cancer” hit loss became a name of the game friends lovers peers co-workers a generation disappeared those sick lost weight jobs family friends dignity as immune systems crashed quickly mercilessly aging the young crossing brain barrier to turn young man to old overnite babies dying in arms hours after diagnosis the brilliant to childlike in a heartbeat overnite it reached into lung and bowel kidney and skin to devastate always, always a prelude to immediate and swift DEATH opportunistic and they came by the dozens to steal life
in their names for their honor for ourselves as reconciliation we fought in streets on white house sidewalks sat in on steps of county/city/state offices lit hot wax candles marching into the blazing night down main streets and thoroughfares we shouted their names cried their memory in the name of honor begged in the name of humanity to save life
we buried our dead brothers sisters children fathers lovers strangers created quilt memorials of fabric and lace leather and silks filled graveyards tossed ashes into the sea onto mountaintops and cried rivers of tears in the streets we held the dying in arms heavy with grief we looked away as dignity slid through fingers we made broths and elixirs read favorite tales to eyes murky and blinded by the VIRUS’ untimely hand we tried to warn you that a virus doesn’t care if you are straight or gay play fun, be SAFE always but then all there was to do was to search the ancients for herbs to cure to bring life
we tried everything and anything to keep from buying into HELPLESSNESS we changed shit-filled sheets and vomit-stained pillows opened bedroom doors to find skeletons crawling across the floor screaming and begging for their lives back as limbs broken bodies skins breaking humans breaking those we loved breaking our hearts broken breaking unknown promise after promise WE PRAYED BELIEVING IN NO GOD SO CRUEL AND UNFORGIVING to give life
we buried our dead spread ash after ash on mountaintops and seas attended memorial services, the RITUALS of every weekend for years tossed RED, red blood on walls and windows of greedy pharmaceutical companies demanded healthcare research education a cure demanded uncaring eyes to open demanded recognition of the indignity of allowing such loss volumes of loss demanded that the eyes of idiots and elected kings be pried open let them see WHAT WE HAVE SEEN blood on their hands, all to remember life
for twenty years we banded together rebuilt our communities mended our hearts EDUCATED those still letting ignorance guide their fear asked for a cure begged for a cure prayed for a cure instead we accepted meager bandaids glued on skin by the PHARMACEUTICAL GOLD mines don’t be silly, they snickered! there’s big business here in the business of AIDS so was birthed the cash cow they created instead handfuls of poison that would keep people alive fistfuls of expensive little pills that would boost immune systems while DESTROYING organs kidneys stoned to death all offering up as odd gateway to cancers weakened hearts livers, failed got diabetes? got NEUROPATHY got blood clots and feet and legs so swollen and sore that you can’t walk its the best we can do, baby FINDING A CURE would put our asses out of business and the business of DEATH is booming and our beat must go ON pay with your life
twenty years later what we fought for stood shoulder to shoulder in the streets for ACTIVISM paid off but wait! in this new day of today, we are punished! by keeping deaths at an all time low another broken thread, broken promise cog in the wheel spokes bent and rusted by a broken healthcare system today the money still sits SUNKEN into battleships of ongoing senseless WAR chests of gold sunk into financial institutions rife with corruption and the legacy of a TEXAN DUFUS runs deep a nation in ruins the good old boys smirking from the decks of their yachts bonuses cocktails and your retirement fat in their pockets and oilfields paid for by the sweat of a DISAPPEARED middle class twenty years later COMMUNITIES who reduced their numbers of AIDS DEATHS by taking TOO GOOD of care by establishing clinics food banks supplying good medicine of herbs on the streets in your face education and prevention peer advocacy kid’s camps case management SUPPORT groups volunteers to drive to save to talk to help to give by giving love and giving heart giving today we are punished and so prepare for it all to begin again choose life
today in one fell swoop it has begun subtract all that we added to care for the sick eliminate services to keep people alive deduct dismantle close down erase ERASE tear down the walls built BRICK BY BRICK on our backs in the streets burn it to the ground the tired the hungry the sick those without homes those with horrors dancing behind crazy eyeballs do-se-doe ing with madness those without money to buy their meds today or tomorrow now those DYING again from the pain and the stress of this LIFE of HIV forced to begin from a new pile of ash to rebuild yet another FOUNDATION for care as a state of elected fools subtract services wipe the sweat of twenty years from our brows with the spit of fools as the feds who leave us scratching our heads in wonder where is that new day you promised where is the end to this senseless war machine is GM or AIG saving souls this week feeding the hungry next or caring for the sick AS you and THEY DISMANTLE MORE and more day after day tearING pen through paper i cannot watch as you continue to ELIMINATE humanity we once stood in the streets and screamed SHAME! tonight my vocal cords slit by disbelief are silent tonite i fear the sounds of death and silence ringing in ears again SHAME! prepare to fight again for life ignorance=fear silence =death
I should have waited until later in the day to read this. You bring to my mind’s surface too much pain. I try to shake it off, but your words are too powerful. When will joy inspire us to write, instead of suffering?